How To Work Squat At Starbucks Like A Boss
I work a lot at Starbucks. For some reason, I really enjoy the comfort of those brown chairs they have. And Starbucks won’t tell anyone where the heck someone could buy those chairs (I guess for them, it’s the hook). But if you want to squat at Starbucks and use it as a cheap office, expect to have to navigate some pretty annoying things.
Here’s some helpful tips.
You Need An Outlet
Power is everything if you intend upon working from Starbucks. A few hours in and all your technology will fail without Benjamin Franklin’s juice surging. Most Starbucks have a few positions which offer power. If you are in a new Starbucks, they tend to have power outlets all over. If you are in an old one, you might be SOL.
Most commonly, a Starbucks troll will be occupying a seat near a power outlet. These people are like the most inconvenient rashes mankind has ever invented. I’m kidding, these folks don’t even know they are blocking the mothership from fueling up. They have no idea why sharks are circling them while they drink a Frappucino and text mom.
The solution, and yes, you are going to hate this, is to talk to them. I know, there is nothing worse than interacting with other humans at Starbucks, but unless you want to get that low battery indicator alert on your Macbook Pro while replying to an email from China, you might want to pony up some sweet communications.
Remember, that person is going to hate you for talking to them just as well. We all pretty much hate each other. But so long as you are nice, they are likely to just want you to go away enough to move somewhere else so that you can attach back to the electrical grid and become one with society again.
You Sit By A Sneezer
Germs are pretty much a side-dish at Starbucks. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve sat down for some old fashioned productivity only to have some person start sneezing up a storm. My first instinct is to hand them a tissue, ask them if they are OK, and they mace them. The problem with that is, however, it’s illegal (the mace, not the tissue – tissue is legal).
The solution here is to either live, or choose death by malaria.
Someone Ask You What You Are Drinking
For some reason, there are lots of people who think Starbucks is super exciting. It is almost like they feel as though they are wandering around a Comic Con.
“Hey, what character are you today?”
At Starbucks, if your drink isn’t in the clear plastic cold container, you are a sitting duck for people looking to rifle through your personal business. It usually feels super intrusive when it happens.
“Hey, what’s in that drink?”
I usually tell them fluid and cyanide, low-fat soy.”
Typically it is the conversation over at this point.
Starbucks pretty much sucks. But for some reason, I am addicted to sitting in it all day and working. And I like the chairs. But Starbucks loitering certainly isn’t for the naive. Educate yourself on how to make sure the experience sucks a bit less.